Dear Mamma,

I never planned to be in the “Angel Baby” club. In my perfect world, once you were pregnant you get to feel that baby grow till it is ready to be on the outside, I didn’t know the loss I would feel from losing a baby at 8 weeks.

I finally took the test because this time I was sick in the morning and my smell was starting to go into overdrive along with missing my cycle. I sat on the bathroom floor while the stopwatch counted the five minutes filled with excitement and bated breath. We had been trying for this gift for a year. I jumped up as the timer sounded off.

This was my moment. This was the moment I had been waiting for! Joy filled my heart as I saw the positive pregnancy stick. We had done it! My hormones were in a place to conceive. It was time to start making plans for the little one growing inside of me. I started dreaming of holding them in my arms, watching them take their first steps, and hearing their laughter fill the room. I could feel an overwhelming sense of love for this tiny human that I hadn’t even met yet. Hubby smiled and said he already knew when I told him. As I hugged him tight he whispered in my ear that we got this.

But sometimes, that joy is short-lived. Sometimes, the plans you made are never realized. Sometimes, all you’re left with is heartbreak. Miscarriage is a pain that no parent should ever have to endure. It’s a pain that cuts deep and leaves scars that never fully heal.

When you experience a miscarriage, it’s easy to feel like you’re alone. But the truth is, so many women have experienced the same pain and heartbreak. It’s a club that no one wants to be a part of, but it’s one that many of us are members of.

The pain of losing a baby is indescribable. You mourn the loss of the child you never got to meet. You mourn the loss of the future you had planned. You mourn the loss of the love you had for that little one growing inside of you.

But even in the midst of the pain, there is something beautiful. There is a love that is so strong it can’t be broken by death. There is a bond that is formed between a mother and her child, even if that child is never held in her arms.

If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, know that you are not alone. Know that there is a community of women who have walked this same path and who understand the pain you feel. And know that even in the midst of the heartbreak, there is still love. Love for the baby you lost and love for the future that could have been.

Miscarriage is a pain that no one should have to endure. No one tells you that you will find yourself rubbing your belly missing what was there this early on in pregnancy. I felt empty like a little part of my heart was gone and there was no way that I could get it back. You could say I felt like someone was missing and I won’t be able to find them. Doctors call early pregnancy loss chemical pregnancies. But for me, it will be my little Angel Baby. But there is hope. Hope for healing. Hope for a future. And hope for the love that never dies.

For you going through this I have a song that expresses how it feels when you rub your belly or wonder what life would be like. JJ Heller’s song ALWAYS is my song for right now. It brings a lot of comfort while you are feeling the loss of your Angel Baby.